okay, i bought my first pair of earth shoes. i feel so totally vegan.
they are kicky and blue and orange and red and i love them. i find them hilarious. i bought them from zappos.com, which seems to be a really amazing company. free shipping, free return shipping, up to a year to decide (as long as you don’t wear the shoes outside)… you kind of can’t go wrong.
when they arrived the other day, i greedily sliced open the box and gazed lovingly at my new shoes, nestled in their adorable little individual canvas drawstring bags. i opened each bag and was delighted to see that i liked the shoes just as much in person as i had on the screen. i jammed them on my feet right away, like a dork, and started tromping around the house in them. they are really very comfortable. the negative heel thing is a bit of a switch, but it’s not awkward or anything. the soles are squishy and nice. initial impression: definitely like.
but then, not even 4 steps into my tromping around, the greatest embarrassment of all: the shoe toot. these are shoes that (as far as i can tell) are meant to be worn without socks, and the insole is a soft pleathery deal. just think it through and i’m sure you see where this is going. walk, walk, squeak (heh.), walk, walk, squawk! (giggle), walk, squeeeak (chuckle), walk, walk, walk, walk, TOOT! (oh, come on now.), squeak (sigh), walk, walk.
yes, ladies and gentlemen, my shoes are gassy. full-on farty. i’m not sure what to do. i’m thinking of looking for those "not socks" that go around the bottom of your feet and the edges of your toes and heels… but beyond that, i’m kind of at a loss. my ass-kickin’ vegan shoes aren’t supposed to embarrass me all day long!
please tell me i’m not the only person with this problem.