i think in my ideal world, i’d have a greyhound come live with us for a week, just to make sure i feel we can hack it. i keep second-guessing myself, and (probably over-)worrying about details that are most likely silly in the grand scheme of things. yesterday my sister called me to get some dog advice to pass along to a neighbor, and in listening to myself prattle on for 45 minutes, i realized that i know a lot more about dogs and doggie behavior than i sometimes give myself credit for. which made me feel better, and more confident. but then i slept on it and this morning i had all the same worrywarting going on. i’m annoying.
i’m starting to realize, more and more, that i’m like this in more areas than just potential-greyhound-adopting. i secretly (and sometimes not secretly) worry that i’m not good enough, that i don’t do things well, that i’m not worth listening to. and i have a terrible problem asserting myself, although i’m not sure exactly when that happened. i didn’t used to be that way, but i sure struggle with it lately. i feel very unimportant. and then i feel like i’m partly to blame for that, because i don’t assert myself. because i don’t think i matter. vicious cycle and all that.
wow. that was more than i thought i was going to say. back to the greyhounds: anyone got one they’d like me to babysit for the week? i think it could make a world of difference, for serious.