i babysat my two nieces today. the oldest will be four in a couple of weeks, and the youngest will be 7 months old on sunday. my sister has been teasing me that they need cousins, and she has also asked me several different times to tell me when "the door has closed on that idea" so that she can stop wishing and hoping.
i think the door closed today.
never have i felt more frustrated in such a short period of time, and yet more absolutely certain that i wasn't doing anything wrong. i promise i was doing everything right, and the baby screamed and screamed her head off continually no matter what. of course this happened right as i was trying to get us out the door for The Big Library Outing, which i eventually had to completely abort because i couldn't get the baby to calm down in her carseat.
i only cried twice, i think, and i made sure neither of them saw me. i'm pretty sure that would have freaked out the oldest, because in her eyes auntie can do no wrong. anyhoodle, we cancelled The Big Library Outing, got out of the carseats, and went back into the house to watch peter pan. and i made the baby happy the only way i could: by holding her as much as possible, and by never attempting to feed her. i felt like a failure, totally embarrassed and a little freaked out. i totally need to go to bed.